It can be very unsettling and make you feel nervous that you suspect that behind that veneer of hype you feed yourself to keep going, that you have no idea what you are doing. A quick tidbit that is not in the green paragraph but worth at least contemplating briefly is that NO ONE knows what they are doing. This an unsettling thought, because although one person may have more knowledge than another, it does not necessarily mean that the person with more knowledge knows what they are doing. No matter how much you learn, you always need to learn more, or even learn no more.
Think “Academics” versus “Doers” and so on. But rather than get even more nervous and wound up with aches and pains of the brain, this can even be an affirmation, that the real power comes, not from what you know, but what you are doing with what you know, getting what you don’t know you don’t know, as things pop up. And as you become aware of new things, this can lead to you doing research and learning more. It is a bit like “Learning on the job.” You will always be your own best teacher, if you decide learning is important to you.
You, like us and other people, could be suffering more than you need to. If it is an internal process of tormenting and torturing yourself, it would probably be a good idea to help regarding this, or at least read a good book on the topic. You can damage yourself more than you already do with you gripe about yourself to yourself. In some instances, this can help you get to an answer faster because you do not stop until you go through the pain and fear, coming out the other end with the solution. Another solution would be to go ahead and learn.